I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
