My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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