My first STD was from a foam party
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
