I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im holly from the hills drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
