um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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