Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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