well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize