You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
