Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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