new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
