Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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