I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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