how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
