Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize