i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
