I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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