Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's blow job season.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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