google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
