I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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