I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
