I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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