this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
