She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
