It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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