And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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