i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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