I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
