Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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