Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
