do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't deserve a penis
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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