do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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