It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
