he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think your dad took our porno
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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