I met the friendliest cop last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
