Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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