I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
