So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
