you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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