They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
