This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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