dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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