Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
