Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
