Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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