Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
