I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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