It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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