To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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