I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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