You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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