i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
