I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
