Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
