I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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