The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
