Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
