Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
