I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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