On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
smell my finger.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
